“When Are We Ever Going to Use This In Real Life?”

By Michael Studley

“When are we ever going to use this in real life?”

I always ask my math teacher, “When are we ever going to use this in real life?” 

She always changes the topic.

As if she doesn’t have an answer.

“Odd,” I think. Surely she, of all people, should know.

As I’m walking home, I cut through an alley.

It’s not very clean there, and it smells like cheap incense.

Suddenly, a man puts me into a deathly tight grip.

He holds a cheap plastic spoon to my neck and asks:

“What are the non-complex solutions of 35×8+3×4-5×3-3=5??”

I wish I had paid attention in math class now.

I say, “Seven???”

He lets go, and says, “You’re an idiot.

Anyone would know that the solutions are approximately -0.775573 and 0.849622.”

I shook my head. He looks at me as if I just insulted his mother.

“You don’t pay attention in class?”

I say, “No! Who would ever need to know this?”

I then dash for the street

and get back to my apartment.

The next day, I tell the story to my teacher.

While everyone else gapes, the teacher simply says,

“I told you so.”

What a legend.