By Emmet-Basen Alexander
Sometimes I stare out the window and look out at the moon. I think wow, the moon’s so beautiful. Maybe someone else is looking at it and thinking the same thing. But then I snap out of it and realize that the moon sucks and is awful. It’s made of stupid rocks, is full of dust that will kill you if you breath it in (look it up), reflects way too much light, and all we’ve done with it is plant a dumb flag on it’s dumb surface. Really, for a planet with most, if not all the interesting people ever, we sure did get stuck with a pretty lackluster moon. The only notable thing about our moon is that it is massive. Big enough that Earth and the moon almost count as a two planet system. However, there are much better moons in our solar system. So many better ones that it almost can fill an entire newspaper article.
The first of the really cool moons is one that has made it into the zeitgeist as of late is Europa. Europa is one of the Galilean moons, or one of the 4 biggest moons of Jupiter. It is notable for being very big and very smooth. Scientists don’t know for sure, but the uncanny smoothness of the planet’s surface hints at what might be an ice sheet. Underneath that sheet, scientists theorize that there could be a water ocean. Because of this, Europa is the top contender for having extraterrestrial life in our solar system. Many a book or movie have had aliens come from Europa for this reason. The real kicker is Europa has a similar size and density to our moon, so we could probably switch the two and nothing would change. What a chance missed.
Another really cool moon is one of Saturn’s moons, Mimas. Now, this moon is basically just like our moon. Spherical, gray, cratered. It’s small, but not small enough for that to be a notable characteristic. No, the best characteristic of this moon is the super awesome huge crater it has. I am not going to beat around the bush here, it looks like the Death Star. It has a crater shaped like the big laser dish on the Death Star . The best part of this all is the fact that this moon’s crater was only properly imaged after Star Wars came out, so it was pure coincidence. Imagine if we had this as our moon. That would rule. Unlike the stupid man we have on our moon, we could have had a giant eyeball laser monster. What could have been.
The coolest moon of all, though, is another one on ol’ Saturn’s list. Saturn’s largest moon, Titan, is probably the coolest moon in our solar system. It is a monster, coming in larger than Mercury. It is even the second largest moon in the solar system, that’s how big it is. In addition, it is the only body in space besides earth that has stable liquid on it’s surface. Period. It’s such a sick moon that instead of regular water, it has water filled with ammonia. And if that’s not enough, it can do something no other moon can do. If people could live on Titan, the gravity is so low they could fly. That’s right. With only the energy that your body creates, we could flap our arms fast enough to get lift. Only on Titan, that is possible. If I were able to live anywhere in the solar system, and it couldn’t be earth, I probably would choose Titan. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, our most awesome moon.
Now you see why our moon sucks. It’s not bad or anything, but in comparison to other moons it just doesn’t cut it. We have a solid, dependable rock, but out there in the solar system there could be aliens, or human powered flight. We could have had so much more. But at the very least, while we don’t have alien fish or a death star, we have old reliability. Our moon might suck, but at least it’s there for us when we need it.