New Vending Machine Solves 8:06 A.M. Famine

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By Laura Murphy 

THE OLD GYM LOBBY, EGHS— The latest math problems the students of EGHS have been tackling involve dollar signs and letters, prompting them to ask the vital question: 2B (a glistening packet of Schneider’s pretzels), or not 2B?  

These hard-working, hungry scholars have been eyeing and trying the precious packets of comestibles new to a convenient nook by the school’s entrance. Not only are these options edible, but they also have some nutritional merit.

One anonymous student noted that while she could buy regular chocolate chip cookies in the cafeteria, the new-and-improved healthier cookies “made her feel better” about her decision to indulge in a cookie. To this, her friend added, “Healthy is a bit of a strong word.”

Regardless of choice in cuisine, timing has been key with the tower of trail mix. “I can buy food like…any time,” remarked an awestruck freshman from behind the glow of the machine. Also amazed, a nearby geometry student mumbled, “I can hear the teacher over my stomach in math class.”

Students from all sections of the school have celebrated the termination of the 8:06 A.M. Famine, the lament of many “too-cool-for-breakfast-ers” and morning munchie maniacs. “First period, I’m usually pretty hungry. Second period, I could eat. Third period–” (to this, the sophomore World Civ. student began to drool and was promptly escorted to the machine).

The rectangular eatery has also ended the notorious starving time of 9:09- 9:10 and the great Potato Chip Famine of 12:45, curiously piquing students’ interest in multiple history classes.

Though the vending machine has brought prosperity to the hungry locals, some students feel short-changed upon spying the snack of their dreams. “I only brought $1.35 with me yesterday,” groaned a disgruntled senior. He reported bringing the required amount of money the following day.

The availability of around-the-clock food has inspired Avengers to stomach their lessons and digest the finer–and healthier–points of academic life. But in the words of the quick-witted freshman: “That’s not hard 2C.”  

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